Building Relationships. Strengthening Communities. Repairing Harm.

Artifacts, Magic Tricks, and the Power of the Facilitator

By Lindsay Gange, November 4, 2015

Re-posted from Becoming a Restorative Practitioner

Yesterday, on the first day of training, we were asked to bring in an artifact that would help tell our story for the second day. I told my husband that I was going to bring my Greetings from Asbury Park postcard, and as I peeled it off of the wall of my office, he said, “Not the New Jersey license plate?” It’s not like I have one sitting on the shelf above my computer that I can just grab or anything…

^^ That is a lie.

So, like the poster child for New Jersey that I am, I toted in my license plate with pride. Many people brought in jewelry or other things that didn’t at one point have dead insects on them, and as we went around the circle, people discussed what their artifacts meant to them. I explained that New Jersey is my home and that my license plate symbolized how I just hop in the car and go home a lot, or drive long distances to other places to be with friends or family. I talked about my love for Bruce Springsteen and the Jersey Shore, and my current beef with Jon Bon Jovi. I explained that if it were not for growing up in New Jersey, I never would have gotten to sing in New York City as a high school student, which forced me to learn how to navigate the city alone and helped me to gain a sense of independence. *Cue Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women”* Growing up in New Jersey made me who I am today. Like everyone else, I put my artifact into our meaningful circle center. Unfortunately, you can’t see my license plate in the picture because the light was so bright.

The overarching theme of the circle was relationships that people had with their mothers and grandmothers. When the talking piece got back to Mary, another facilitator, she summarized that the group talked about relationships with mothers and grandmothers a lot. People made meaningful connections with each other by talking about their mothers. (And Mom, if you’re reading this, don’t worry – I gave you a shout out when I had the talking piece. I didn’t just talk about pizza and bagels.)

It wasn’t until a little later in the day that I realized, when we did another exercise that revealed that twenty-five of the twenty-seven people in the room had siblings, that no one talked about their siblings during our revealing artifact circle and connection round. This is crazy to me because I have some form of contact with my sister almost every day. Mary revealed later in the day that she, as the facilitator, purposely summarized the first round of sharing in such a way that highlighted the connections that were made through stories about mothers, which led people to continue to make meaningful connections about their mothers through the second round. If I were in the role of a counselor, I would perceive this to be leading the clients, but because the point of the circle was to make meaningful connections through shared stories, Mary directed the conversation toward a topic with which nearly everyone in the circle could identify, allowing people to connect with each other through a common theme. First magic trick!

The second magic trick that was revealed came from Jeanne, who said that, as a facilitator, you can lead group members to reset and fix the circle when someone is behaving in such a way that does not follow the established group norms. For instance, if someone is using their cell phone during the circle, it is not necessarily up to the facilitator to address the situation, though the facilitator can model an appropriate way of doing so. By using an I statement (“I feel ____________ when ___________.”), members of the circle can usually fix problems. If enough people share their unhappiness about how the cell phone is out, they can usually get the person who is violating the group norms to stop.

A few more notes from the day:

  • As the facilitator, when you are leading a round that asks for sharing, share first. The way the facilitator shares serves as a model for the rest of the group.
  • When leading a round meant to elicit an opinion from each member, go last so that your opinion does not influence the rest of the group.
  • Although each person is an equal part of the circle, the facilitator still has power to model or guide a topic, for better or for worse.

And now, I present to you my beautiful artifact, which coincidentally kind of has my name in it:

NJ License

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